Author Archives: Biz

Its funny how two diverse and seemingly unrelated pieces of news can have a common thread running through them and today, this phenomenon has re-occurred. Panama has been in the forefront of the news recently due to its location as a bolt hole for John Darwin, the resurrected canoeist and his wife Anne; but now it has featured again for an entirely different reason…language teaching in schools. The other piece of news is the horrendous prospect of Britain being ringed by over 7,000 wind farms. 

A couple of stories caught my eye today; the first, was the announcement by the Secretary of State for Local Government and Communities, Hazel Blears, that councils should reduce the provision of translation services to immigrants and asylum seekers, as blanket provision of such services was proving a serious disincentive to actually learning English, and thus integrating into British society (the shameless Hazel Blears stole my idea!). The second story was the ongoing prediction of a downturn in the economy and the associated, redundancies, repossessions and austere times that go with such happenings.
 

I have been following the story of John and Anne Darwin with growing interest as it has gradually unfolded during the past few days. Although the full story has yet to emerge, it is increasingly looking as if the resurrected canoeing amnesiac and his wife, have been party to a large insurance scam and all I can say is lock them up and throw away the key…but perhaps for a different reason than you may think. 

Let us look more closely at what the couple might have done and what they deserve. 

As you all know, I never cease to be amazed at the stupidity, ineptitude and sheer profligacy demonstrated by councils nationwide…most of you probably feel the same. Speaking personally, it has almost become a vocational duty to heap huge amounts of disrespect upon those councils and politicians that are seriously deserving of it. Thus, today we are specially privileged, in that we have two truly deserving contenders for the crown of ‘stupidest council in the land’.
 

Remember the ‘good old days’ when going abroad meant that to all intents and purposes, armed with your trusty blue British passport, most countries would recognise your nation as one that would brook no interference with their citizens and they would, therefore, respect this nation, respect you and let you go on unhindered? Imagine also, that if that kind of safety was assured abroad, then once back in good old blighty, a British citizen must be neigh on invincible…well sadly, times have changed! 

I stood at the flank waiting to join the action, my head covered and my stomach churning, until finally, the decisive moment had come. I stepped into the breach, hoping that my actions that night would do me credit and not shame my fellows; I fought back the fear and walked forward…outward echoed the hymn…“The first noel, the Angels did say, was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay”…
 

It has struck me that there has always been a somewhat unequal exchange of culture between our trans-Atlantic allies and ourselves. Now before I go too much further, I must make it perfectly clear that I use the word ‘culture’ in the very loosest sense with regards to America…one generally has to have at least five centuries to even lay down the roots of a basic culture (sorry guys…only another 250 years to go). Here are some illustrative examples:
 

• We gave them Period costume dramas like ‘Pride and Prejudice’…they gave us Beef Jerky.

It’s hard to find words to describe my feelings upon reading the story of the British teacher Gillian Gibbons, who is today facing 40 lashes and/or imprisonment in the Sudan for allowing her class of six and seven year old pupils to name a teddy bear, Mohammed. 

I’ve always been a keen student of history, it’s been my hobby for many years now and I have spent more money on obscure history books than I care to reckon. A large part of the fascination that history holds is that through the ages, you see exactly the same events repeated over and over…ok, the time, the place, the characters and the detail changes, but the same themes are repeated continually.
 

I was appalled to hear that injured war veterans, some of whom had suffered lost limbs and severe burns, were heckled and jeered as they partook of their once weekly hydrotherapy sessions at Leatherhead public baths in Surrey. Apparently, one lane of the baths was specially roped off for the veterans use and as they went through their rehabilitative routines, several members of the public shamed themselves and their town, by raising an outcry against said veterans.