Jacqui Smith’s husband Richard Timney…TOP BLOKE!

March 31st, 2009 Written by Biz

Now whilst the world of politics generally leaves me utterly repulsed and disinterested due to the vile, self-serving, ineffectual and corrupt nature of all politicians of all shades. Occasionally, some redeeming characteristic emerges that completely and irrevocably changes my opinion of one of these public figures and elevates them from a position formerly on a par with Estate Agents, Lawyers, and Loan Sharks, to a position (in bloke’s speak) of “Top Bloke”. Today was one of those rare days when just such a thing happened and the “Top Bloke” in question was Jacqui Smith’s Husband Richard Timney.

 

But before we look at either Jacqui Smith or, indeed, Richard Timney, let us ponder some previously elevated “Top Blokes” and their relative merits; the first of which is John (two Jags) Prescott. Now although JP was an old fashioned ‘Old Labour’ veteran and thus might have had some measure of my sympathy; he was Deputy Prime minister of an utterly nauseating ‘New Labour’ Government and as far as I could see had a job consisting of ‘biggin it up’ and riding around in two Jags. My opinion of him was understandably low.

 

That was though, until one fateful day when whilst attending a function, a member of the public hurled an egg at JP from close range completely splattering him. Now instead of standing there like a big girl as did Peter Mandleson when in a similar situation; JP instantly and instinctively lamped the attacker one on the chin and then proceeded to grapple him to the ground…TOP MAN!

 

In fairness though, this feat only puts JP in at No 3 in the “Top Bloke” league, so let’s look at another previously promoted contender…Ed Balls.

 

 Now Ed Balls is, of course, the Education Secretary and in my opinion, his surname is wholly indicative of my opinion of him in general; he is married to Yvette Cooper, Minister for housing. Now Yvette is one of those typical ‘New Labour’ noncy types and worse, because she is also obviously one of those bossy feminists, as evidenced by the fact that she doesn’t go by the name Yvette Balls…then again, fair enough! Now you might be wondering why Ed has become so elevated in my esteem…well, it just so happens that Yvette Cooper is an utterly hot chick!

 

Yvette also outranks Ed in the Parliamentary hierarchy and so by marrying her, Ed and Yvette’s combined salaries not only beat the Prime minister’s but Ed also gets to go to bed with a superior who’s also a hot chick…well, maybe it’s just me, but in my opinion…Ed Balls, you’re a “TOP MAN”.

I do though, have fairly rigorous standards and very strict criteria when placing incumbents within the “Top Man” hierarchy, so envious as I might be of Ed B, he still only makes it to No 2 in the rankings…which brings me to the number one slot…

 

Now, Jacqui Smith is of course, the Home Secretary and as repulsive an example of a ‘New Labour’ politician as can be found anywhere; Jacqui Smith’s husband Richard Timney is not actually a politician,(but spouses can be included in my league tables by dint of association)…

 

It has transpired that Jacqui Smith’s husband Richard Timney was caught with his pants down (maybe figuratively as well as literally) when he paid for some ‘blue movies’ and happened to put them on Parliamentary expenses which Jacqui Smith unwittingly passed for payment. Of course, a huge furore has broken out and no doubt Jacqui Smith has given poor Richard Timney the hugest of ‘bollockings’ ever. One cannot though, fail to be somewhat sympathetic to poor Richard Timney because;

 

• Jacqui Smith is probably also one of those bolshy, bossy feminists otherwise she would be called Jacqui Timney; unlike Yvette Cooper though, this cannot be forgiven because unlike the lovely Yvette, Jacqui is far from ‘hot’.
• Looking at Jacqui Smith, poor Richard Timney could easily be forgiven for having to resort to examples of Rocco Stifreddi’s artistic output.

 

But the real clincher for me is that Richard Timney, husband of Jacqui Smith the Home Secretary had the balls (no…nothing to do with Ed…or I don’t think so), to do the ‘blokey’ thing and watch ‘blue movies’ whilst his missus was away (probably at her ‘second home’) and then charge it to the taxpayer. So for that act of utter ‘blokeyness’…Richard Timney; husband of Jacqui Smith the Home Secretary…you’re a “TOP MAN”…you have reached the very zenith of the league of “Top Men”!

 

…wonder if he also passed a bill for Kleenex to the taxpayer…but I digress…

 

 

 

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